Communication Between Intended Parents and the Surrogate Mother

Often when a surrogacy program is in process the question of communication between the intended parents and the surrogate mother comes up. Should they communicate at all, and if they do, how frequent should the contact be? Another question is how said communication should be conducted.

Every surrogacy is unique and different people choose to approach the question of communication in different ways. However, at New Life Mexico we believe that a healthy communication between the parties involved in a surrogacy process is beneficial for all. We strongly encourage the intended parents to stay in contact with the surrogate mother that are carrying their child. A good contact between them can be very helpful during the program, and can contribute to a successful outcome. It is important that the surrogate mother and the intended parents feel comfortable in each other company and have a good relationship.

Communicate in the Correct Way

Many intended parents wish to have a lot of contact with the surrogate mother. They want to be able to follow the progress of the pregnancy closely. It is important for them to know that everything is alright and to keep track of what is happening. This is very natural and understandable and we recommend that this communication is conducted with the help of the agency. That way it can be ensured that the contact and the communication is conducted in a correct way.

Whenever we start a surrogacy process one of our Pregnancy Care Coordinators is assigned to the case. The coordinator will serve as an intermediator between the intended parents and the surrogate mother. Throughout the surrogacy the coordinator will connect them with each other and convey all necessary information between them.

It can be tempting for intended parents to contact the surrogate mother on their own but this is not recommended. It is important to understand that it is much better to have the communication go through the coordinator. This approach will make sure that everything is handled correctly. It will make sure that surrogate mothers can not try to take advantage of the situation. They will not be able to use the intended parents gratitude in wrongful ways. It is also a way to make sure that no important information is forgotten or lost along the way. It is important that the agency has access to all vital information so there are no misunderstandings between the parties and to make sure that nothing is overlooked.

Show Support for the Surrogate Mother

During the process many intended parents want to express their gratitude towards the surrogate mother. It is after all a huge undertaking and a great responsibility to go through a surrogacy pregnancy. It is often highly appreciated if the intended parents show their support and take an interest in the surrogate mother’s condition during the pregnancy. It is a nice gesture to send her flowers or a small gift. The better the surrogate mother feels, the better the conditions for the baby will be. To have a good relationship with the surrogate mother will of course also make the different stages of the process of surrogacy much easier for everyone involved.

Discuss with the Agency Coordinator

How frequent the communication between the intended parents and the surrogate mother should be is something that should be discussed with the Pregnancy Care Coordinator. They have a lot of experience and knowledge within this field and can prove helpful when it comes to balancing the communication in a good way. This will ensure that both parties are happy with the contact and communication that is taking place. Sometimes the wish for communication is stronger with one of the parties, therefore it is important to make sure that everyone involved feel comfortable.

Show Mutual Respect

No matter what approach one chooses to have when it comes to the communication, it is of utmost importance to always remember that there are two parties involved in the process- the surrogate mother and the intended parents. These two parties will form a relationship- no matter how said relationship might manifest itself. And just like in any other relationship it is crucial to always show each other respect.

It is also vital to remember to let people have their space. It is never pleasant to be forced into a relationship that is to intense or close for ones liking. Ask the other person how they feel and make sure to take their wishes into consideration. The objective for all parties involved is after all to make the surrogacy process as free of stress and problems as possible. This is the best way to contribute and to try to achieve a successful outcome of the surrogacy.