No matter who you are, becoming a parent can be a daunting experience. But there’s good news for gay dads!
According to studies, gay fathers report higher levels of subjective well-being after bringing home baby. They experience more positive emotions, a higher sense of life satisfaction, and happiness. They also experience a stronger sense of personal growth and purpose compared to both childless gay men and heterosexual fathers.
Otherwise, the transition to fatherhood is similar in both gay and straight men. You’re a free-spirited young man and then all of a sudden you have a baby to take care of!
There’s no denying that having a child is a huge life change. It’s perfectly natural to feel a little anxious about it. Here are some of the ways you can expect your life to change, and how you can manage it with grace.
- You will suddenly have no more “me” time.
As much as you’ll love your newest family addition, you’ll miss the freedom of having your own schedule. New dads have to get a little creative when it comes to self-care. It helps to sleep when the baby is sleeping, to enjoy a few quiet moments of solitude when you can throughout the day, and to ask for help when you need it.
- You might feel financially stressed for a while.
No matter how much money you have, you’re suddenly spending a lot more money than you’re used to. Children are expensive, but it will all be fine. Stick to a weekly budget, and speak freely with your partner about your finances. Couples who work as a team experience a much easier time with finances after baby is born.
- You’re going to want to feel prepared for anything, all the time.
You might find yourself overpacking for a day out on the town with your hubby and baby. You’ll realize that you feel totally underqualified. Take a deep breath, dad, you got this! Realize that if you forget an extra diaper or bottle, it’s not the end of the world. You’re always going to be learning as a father, so don’t go too hard on yourself.
- You might experience more fear and anxiety in general.
You might think that you’re a macho guy now but wait until you have a baby! You’re going to feel afraid of your child getting hurt, hitting her head on the counter, or tripping and falling. Don’t worry, dad, as long as you’re there to pick your little one up and give her a hug, all will be well.
- You might have to strike a healthy balance between work and family.
What a lot of men do when they have their first child is to hit the grindstone HARD. They work overtime, thinking that their devotion to work is the best for their child’s wellbeing. This is not the case. You will come to realize that your child doesn’t need you at work as much as they need YOU. They’re going to need you to help them put together their toy train, to read books to them, to tuck them into bed. Your presence matters the most.
The good thing about being a gay dad? Studies show that gay partners help each other around the house more. So be sure to communicate with your husband and ask him for anything you need around the house that might make both your lives’ easier.
Having a baby is a wonderful life change, and couples who choose surrogacy are especially ready for whatever parenthood throws at them. We believe in you!